Jest Right Read online

  Coincidentally, in this period, there came the news that Xanth will be made into a movie and a television series. It may have happened by the time this novel is published. The way they do it is they take an option, which means they pay for the right to make, say, a movie in the next year or two. The option spells out all the details so there will be no hassle such as arguing about terms when the time comes to do it. If they don’t do it, the option expires. Xanth has had several options over the decades that have not been exercised. That’s why I am cautious, having been disappointed before. But this one does seem likely.

  The rule for writers is to take the money and run. That is, they know that the movie may bear little relation to the original novels, but the movie folk come bearing barrels of money, so it is better to enjoy the riches while averting one’s eyes from the product. Readers are welcome to read the original books, so they will know what’s there, and they can also enjoy the movies or TV series. It’s a fair compromise.

  A note on a character that some of today’s readers may not recognize: Mairzy Doats. That’s the title of a popular song in 1944. Some of the words are “Mairzy doats and dozy doats/ And liddle lamzy divey.” When you catch on, they sound more like “Mares eat oats and does eat oats/ And little lambs eat ivy.” Now you know. And yes, I was alive in that prehistoric era.

  And one on Chocolate Alchemy: they do have an office in Mundania if you know where to look. Folk who want to process their own chocolate at home go there to get the proper tools.

  Meanwhile, how is my personal life at this writing? I exercise seriously, by which I mean I don’t skip it unless there is illness or injury, and I’m pretty healthy for an old fogy my age. My wife and I have been married over sixty years. We married until death do us part, but now that this prospect is slouching closer, I find I’m not keen on it. But we’re doing okay, considering. My main interest is my writing, but I do take breaks with computer games, and when this novel is done I will pig out on accumulated DVD videos; I can’t resist a bargain sale, and I have hundreds. I am also constantly reading. I subscribe to news and science magazines, being fascinated by the present world and the prospective future. I hope I live to learn the answers to three fundamental mysteries: why is there something rather than nothing, such as our universe? How did life come about, and does it exist on other worlds? And exactly what is consciousness, and can a robot have it? In my fiction robots are thinking feeling people, especially the lovely ladies, but what about the mundane realm?

  We live on our small tree farm, and our drive is three quarters of a mile long. In the past quarter century it has gradually gotten uneven as tree roots push at it and slow sink holes find it worthwhile. So our daughter Cheryl, in the period while I was writing this novel, brought a number of truckfuls of gravel and spread them where it counted, and now we have a patchwork drive that will be more even as the gravel settles into place. Wild magnolia trees grow along the drive, because we preferred to curve it around them rather than chop them out, and their first flowers are now appearing. One little patch of stinging nettles grows besides it, that I try to protect with a mini wire fence. Maybe to you a nettle is a weed, but to me it is a pretty wild flower that is blooming now. We have a rain gauge, but a wasp has made a nest in it at the one inch line, and now there may be half a dozen wasps as the family grows. I suspect there will be a problem when our monsoon season comes in JeJune with heavy rains, but all I can do is carefully empty the gauge when it fills, and the wasps seem to understand. We came here to be with nature, and we try to be good neighbors to the plants and creatures here. Every plant in our vicinity has its history, and we value them all.

  Are there aggravations? Certainly. For example I like my Linux computer program, but it has this quaint habit of abruptly disappearing. I’ll be typing a sentence of the novel, and suddenly I’m typing into a blank screen. All my files have softly and silently faded away without saving. I have to call everything up again and retype my last few hundred words as well as I can remember them. Maybe it’s a little joke the programmers put in for laughs. Why am I not laughing? I’m about ready to replace my system. But overall, life is reasonably good.

  Now the reader suggestions. Some readers send in many, but I try to give new suggestors a credit before repeating credits on the old ones, so I have a number left over, that will be duly considered for the next Xanth novel. That will probably be #44 Skeleton Key, the title suggested by Misty Zaebst. The skeleton twins Picka and Joy’nt Bone will be ten years old, in the same age range as the siblings, and when their folks disappear—but let’s not get ahead of ourselves; I don’t want to bore you unduly. These credits are in the approximate order of the first one from each contributor.

  Have a jester in Xanth (which inspired this novel)—Clayton

  Boos drink—Jestin Larsen

  Kraken addicted to krack—Meeran

  Deposi-tree—Stefano Migneco

  Gulli-bull—Tom Pfarrer

  Troll Farm—James Blakeney

  Rampage; swim suit; hitman and his allergies—Mary Rashford

  Ana Conda—Paul and Mary Rashford

  Fountain of Smart, Frankenstein’s Monster appears in Xanth—Naomi Blose

  Atrocia—Larry Miller

  42 as the Answer—John Nanci

  Talents of banish things to the Void, and recovering them—Ann Marie Mohrmann

  Kitchen sync; stare way; spearhead of unicorns; dogapult, bulista—Richard van Fossan

  Spitting Image—Misty Zaebst

  Polly Ester—Nancy Ann Nethken

  “Curses! Foiled again!”—David Seltzer

  Alphabet: A-corns, B-corns, etc.—Kari Lambert

  Night and Day Stallions get switched—Kay Puccio

  Talent of finding related things—Samuel Lopez

  Carp Diem (seize the day) fish—William Adams

  Chill pills; cough-he and cough-she; copper policeman; North Urn, South Urn; East Tern, West Tern—Joshua Davenport-Herbst

  Relativi-tea, bat tea, goat tea, gravi tea, uppi tea, LGB tea, Adam Ant, talking a blue streak, house fly—Tim Bruening

  Naugh tea, novel tea—Kristi King-Morgan

  Talent of metamorphosis—James Beardsley

  Pasta flashbacks, custard—Cuman TehHuman

  Demons eat Dark Matter and radiate Dark Energy—D A Pears

  Urine Charge, meet market—Richard Davenport.

  Pro-ducks—Steve Pfarrer

  Scents of Humor; punfusion—Patricia Blaylock

  many spots on the wall talent—Kenneth Adams

  Toylet paper; fat lady singing—Steve Leek from Spain

  And my credit to my proofreaders, Scott M Ryan and Anne White. They chase down the errors that grow on the page after I do my editing of the manuscript.

  If you enjoyed this novel and want to know more of me, you can check my website at www.HiPiers.com, where I do a monthly blog-type column, have news of my new projects, and maintain an ongoing survey of electronic publishers for the benefit of aspiring writers.

  About the Author

  Piers Anthony has written dozens of bestselling science fiction and fantasy novels. Perhaps best known for his long-running Magic of Xanth series, many of which are New York Times bestsellers, he has also had great success with the Incarnations of Immortality series and the Cluster series, as well as Bio of a Space Tyrant and others. Much more information about Piers Anthony can be found at www.HiPiers.com.

  All rights reserved, including without limitation the right to reproduce this ebook or any portion thereof in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Copyright ©
2020 by Piers Anthony

  Cover design and illustration by Amanda Shaffer

  ISBN: 978-1-5040-5995-4

  Published in 2020 by Open Road Integrated Media, Inc.

  180 Maiden Lane

  New York, NY 10038

  www.openroadmedia.com

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