Odd Exam Page 7

  This time it was a crocodile. It was swimming slowly toward them, alert in case they dodged. It looked pretty sure of its prey.

  “My guess is that no one has been here before,” Ike said as he oriented both sword and shield. “That thing is too cocksure; it hasn't encountered lasers.”

  “Just as the deer hadn't been hunted by our species,” Felony agreed.

  Ike aimed the sword and extended its range. It struck the croc's armored hide and glanced off. “Uh-oh,” Ike said. He had assumed that the beam would penetrate flesh and generate intolerable pain.

  “Aim inside the mouth,” Felony suggested.

  He did. The beam passed between the teeth and struck the interior, probably the tongue. Now the croc reacted, whipping back.

  Blue hissed warning.

  The croc whipped back, with redoubled fury. Ike barely had time to put the shield on max before the teeth snapped on it.

  For a moment the croc froze, jaws still wide. Then it lurched back, evidently blinded by pain. This time it fled.

  “I agree with you, Blue,” Ike said. “We don't want to stay here any longer than we have to. Even with our weapons, it's really not safe for us.”

  “Amen,” Felony said.

  “Let's get on the path, since the snakes know we're here anyway. We can move faster on it.”

  They got on the path, and did move faster. No snakes attacked them. Either they had handled the ones local to this area, that might regard this as their territory, or word had gotten around that they were not easy prey.

  They came to a kind of pasture where sheep were grazing between widely spaced giant pine trees. “I wonder if this herd belongs to the croc?” Felony mused. “So it came after us not because it was hungry for our flesh, but because we were intruding on its domain.”

  “That could be,” Ike agreed. “I haven't seen any sign of mammal predators; they may have been driven off by the reptilian ones.”

  “Look!” She pointed.

  Ike looked. There, high in a pine, was a nest. From the nest projected the end of a pass. They had found it.

  But there was a problem. The nest was a good thirty feet high, and the trunk of the tree below it was limbless. With proper tackle Ike could have climbed it, but of course he lacked that equipment. How could they reach it?

  “Don't tell me, let me guess,” Ike said. “That pass is going to be anchored in there so that neither familiar can fly there and pull it out, right? We have to fetch it ourselves.”

  Blue hissed agreement. “You got it,” Demeanor said. “We'll help all we can, but we can't do it for you.”

  “Maybe I can knock it out,” Ike said. He looked around and spied several loose stones and branches. He picked up a short but solid branch, took aim, and heaved it up at the nest.

  It scored. The branch struck the nest, knocking part of it loose. But the pass remained in place.

  “Uh-oh,” Felony said.

  Now he saw the occupant of the nest: a flying rattlesnake. It was about six feet long and looked annoyed. It probably didn't care about the pass one way or the other, but did care about getting its nest molested. Even if Ike could climb the tree, he could not have a hand free to work the laser to defend himself.

  There needed to be some other way. It had to be possible to get that pass down; he just had to figure it out. Hitting the nest with branches would probably not get it out, and would further annoy the rattlesnake. He saw no deadwood long enough to make a pole to reach the nest. He could not fly up there himself.

  Unless the laser shield had another setting. Could it nullify gravity? He toyed with it, but got nowhere.

  Then he tried the laser sword, having a wild idea. It was controlled partly by the squeeze of his fingers, and partly by his mental guidance. Suppose he focused on what he wanted it to do?

  “You're getting that look,” Felony said. “What's on your devious mind?”

  “Tractor beam.”

  She laughed. “That's impossible! A beam might push a little, from the impact of the photons, but that's strictly one way. It can't pull.”

  “Not in our universe,” he agreed, continuing his focus. “Help me, Blue. Tell me when I'm getting warm.”

  Surprised, the snake curled around his arm, tuning into the laser he held. He hissed.

  “There?”

  Two hisses.

  “You mean I overshot it?”

  Hiss.

  Ike backed off a bit, mentally, searching for the particular mental setting he had passed.

  Hiss.

  He concentrated, amplifying the particular feel of it. “Show time,” he said trying to mask his doubt.

  The beam shot out. He oriented it on the nest, then on the visible part of the pass. Make this work! he prayed.

  He felt a tug. It was doing it! Carefully he pulled on the beam, and slowly it drew on the pass. It started to come out of the nest.

  “I'll be double damned!” Felony breathed.

  He continued to pull, like a fisherman on his line, carefully so as not to let the fish slip the hook. Slowly the pass emerged.

  Then it snapped free of its anchor and flipped into the air. The beam lost its hold, but it didn't matter, because the pass was drifting town to the ground. Felony ran to fetch it as it landed.

  Ike shut off the laser, amazed. It had actually worked!

  Then he looked around. Blue and Demeanor were both quite still, staring. They were obviously as surprised as Felony, though Blue had helped him do it.

  “You did the impossible!” Felony said, returning with the prize. “You got the pass!”

  “I got the pass,” he agreed weakly.

  “Warning,” Demeanor said. “She's in kissing mode.”

  Then Felony flung herself on him and was kissing him out of sheer exuberance. He kissed her back as they rolled on the grass.

  “Take your pass,” she said as they broke.

  “You take it. I know where's there's another.”

  “But you got it, I didn't.”

  “We're a team, aren't we? It's yours.”

  “If you don't stop me, I'm going to make love to you.”

  “I'd love that. But what about that rattlesnake?”

  “I'm not going to make love to it.” She paused. “Oh. Is it coming after us?”

  They looked. The rattlesnake was hovering not too far away, evidently trying to decide to what extent they were guilty for violating its nest. They lost their interest in romance and drew their lasers, just in case.

  The snake flew back to its nest, but the mood had changed. “We'd better get back to campus,” Ike said.

  “You'd better,” Demeanor agreed. “You riled the snakes, and they're not stupid.”

  That reminded Ike of another thing. “You Familiars—you're way smarter than normal creatures of your kind. Why is that?”

  “Where I come from, birds dominate,” Demeanor said. “Some are big, some are fast, some are poisonous, some are smart. Different survival strategies. Same for Blue Heaven here: Blue is smart, to compete with the larger brutes, and it seems he has a special feel for lasers. The atmosphere may enable our special powers too. But mainly, Blue and I are enhanced and trained to comprehend human ways and speech, so we come across as smarter than we are.”

  “You're telling a lot, now,” Felony said.

  “You figured out a lot. We're just confirming it.”

  “Enhanced?” Ike asked.

  “They've got ways. Pomegranate's more than it may appear.” Blue hissed agreement.

  Ike and Felony exchange a glance, but did not pursue that farther. The more they learned about Pomegranate, the more interesting it became.

  They moved out, alert for other flying reptiles. They followed the path back.

  Blue hissed warning. Ike and Felony oriented their lasers.

  “Damn! Ambush!” Demeanor said.

  Then a virtual platoon of serpents erupted onto the path ahead of them. They were huge, pythons twenty feet long, and more. They were c
oming in from all directions, and down from above, jaws gaping. They were clearly organized.

  Ike saw no easy escape. “Shields on maximum pain!” he exclaimed. “Stab with the swords.”

  Blue hissed warning again, but of course Ike was already aware of the threat. “It's not what you think!” Demeanor called. “Be alert.”

  They were both warning him of something, but Ike could not take time to analyze it. Any pause, and the serpents would overwhelm them.

  They fought with swords and shields, but the pythons were wary of the beams, constantly swerving so that it was difficult to score. Three of them evaded Ike's thrusts and piled into his shield. It flickered and dimmed, overcome by the sheer mass of them, probably not hurting them much. So there was a limit to its power, unsurprisingly. Was that what the familiars meant?

  Ike stepped back, aiming his sword at the head of each impinging python. This was point-blank range, easy to score, and it was effective; each snake tagged reacted by quivering, and ceased attacking. In moments Ike was clear.

  Then he saw that Felony had been less fortunate. She had fallen on the ground and was being overpowered by the serpents.

  He dived to her rescue, stabbing each from behind. But then his shield came up against her shield. Light coruscated where they touch each other, and both shorted out. Maybe that was what the familiars had meant.

  “Hang on, Felony!” he cried. “We've got to align the shields.” He grabbed her shield hand, put his shield hand next to it, and turned his shield on again. “Do yours too!”

  She did. Now they were in the center of two shields, one larger than the other. The serpents were getting tagged in two places. That caused them to writhe clear, to escape the pain. It might be less from each shield, but two places were worse than one. Ike's sword encouraged them to retreat farther as Felony rolled to her feet.

  The pythons drew back, watching warily. They were not giving up. That was not a good sign. They knew that they faced pain if they tried to penetrate the shields, and possible death if the laser scored scored on their heads. They had already taken losses, and now the humans were better organized for defense. There was no easy victory here. Yet they persisted. What was in their minds?

  “Let's see if we can move like a tank,” Ike said. “Grinding slowly forward, our shields doubled, our swords read to stab any snake who forges through despite the pain. Keep going long enough, and we'll reach the exit.”

  “Works for me,” Felony agreed breathlessly.

  They stood together, hip to hip, then stepped forward together. The serpents retreated before the doubled shields. It was working!

  Then the pythons charged again, plowing in from behind. The big head of one knocked Felony forward. She stumbled, tried to catch herself, but fell to the ground. The pass flew out of her pocket and landed on the ground. Blue hissed.

  Felony grabbed for the pass, but another snake forged through the shields and took the pass in its mouth. It slithered on, injured but determined. Ike aimed his sword at its head, but another python collided with him, knocking the beam skew. The one with the pass made it out of the shields and collapsed.

  Another python took the pass from its mouth and slithered up and away, rapidly ascending into the sky.

  The the other serpents withdrew. In moments all of them were gone.

  Felony was crying. “Damn! Damn! Damn! I lost it!”

  But Ike was more amazed than chagrined. “The pass! All they wanted was the pass! They organized to distract us until they could get it. They weren't after us at all.”

  “They couldn't eat you anyway,” Demeanor said. “You're not of this world. All they'd get would be a mouthful of film. But the pass is in their realm. That they can take.”

  “That's what you were trying to warn us about,” Ike said. “But you weren't allowed to tell us directly.”

  Blue hissed agreement. “We want to help, but are constrained,” Demeanor said.

  “I should have paid more attention, fool that I am.”

  “No, you're doing very well,” the parrot said. “They raised the ante on you. That's why Blue didn't want you to come here.”

  Felony was pulling herself together. “As if he's at fault. I lost the pass.”

  “Ante?” Ike asked.

  “They want to know your limits. They don't do that for dull prospects.”

  “So they sent smart snakes after us,” Ike agreed. “Now they know our limit.”

  “And we're stuck without a pass we earned,” Felony said. “That annoys me all to pieces.”

  Blue hissed twice. “Don't be annoyed,” Ike translated, smiling briefly. “They have their reasons.”

  Felony turned to Demeanor. “What reasons?”

  Demeanor looked at Blue, who hissed once. “We can tell you this much: nobody knew those swords could be turned to tractor beams. They want to recruit you.”

  “Funny way they have of showing it,” Felony said. “Suppose we wind up without passes?”

  “You'll find passes if you really want them.”

  “And why wouldn't we want them?”

  “You may not, once you find out what Pomegranate is.”

  “It's not a college?” she asked sharply.

  “Not exactly. Call it an educational institution.”

  “I'm not sure I like the education we're already getting.”

  “Precisely.”

  Ike had stayed out of it, interested in the interrogation Felony was performing. For one thing, the parrot was revealing significantly more of herself and the nature of the examination. These familiars were anything but simple animals. They were probably more like guardians. But now Felony seemed ready to explode. It was time to intercede. “Tomorrow we'll try for another pass,” he said.

  “Tomorrow,” Felony agreed grimly. “And what of today?”

  Ike smiled. “Today we relax.”

  She shook her head. “You're seeing me at my worst.”

  “I like you that way too.”

  “Are you sure you wouldn't like me to put on my luscious form and make savage love to you, right here in Blue Hell?”

  “Not at all sure. But let's get our passes first.”

  “You're incorrigible.”

  “Thank you.”

  Then at last she smiled.

  Chapter 7:

  Bird Seed

  They met at the usual intersection. “Which seed next?” Felony asked.

  “I'm thinking the Bird Seed. Miss Demeanor can be our guide.”

  “I don't recommend it,” Demeanor said.

  “Our alternative is a completely new one, with dangers none of us know about,” Ike said. “Why don't you like your own world?”

  “Because it puts me in conflict with my own kind. There may be dangers I'm not allowed to warn you about. Also, those birds are too smart. Best to stay clear.”

  “What kind of dangers?” Felony asked.

  “The birds know of Pomegranate College. They may want to get in on the action. They may not much care how they do it. We don't want to just walk into their talons.”

  “So it's a choice between the known evil and an unknown one,” Felony said.

  Demeanor looked at her. “You're going to do it, aren't you! And they call us bird brains.”

  “If we don't find our pass there, then we can check an unknown seed,” Felony said.

  “Well, I tried.”

  “You tried,” Felony agreed.

  “First some background,” Ike said. “We figure that the world of the reptiles suffered a collision with a comet that stained things blue and messed up the magnetic field so that they were able to use magnetic repulsion to fly. But birds already fly. So what happened there?”

  “The comet was olive drab. It messed up the trace electrical currents so that the intelligence of mammals was reduced and that of the birds enhanced. So we became the smart ones, while your ancestors went back into their woods. I think some of my kind resent the fact that birds did not dominate similarly on all othe
r worlds. The idea of talking apes is, frankly, repulsive.”

  “So why did you join us?” Felony asked.

  “I'm small. My kind is treated with contempt by the larger, smarter birds. So when the professors offered me enhancement in exchange for my service, I took it.”

  “And you don't want to return to the world where you will be treated again with contempt.”

  “I don't. Would you?”

  “No. But for me, Pomegranate represents freedom from the kind of contempt I face: for my plain face and lean body. Here I can enhance my body, but I think Ike likes me anyway.”

  “I do,” Ike agreed.

  She flashed a smile. “I think you have no idea how excruciatingly I value that. I would do anything for you.”

  “What, anything?” he asked with a mock leer.

  “Well, almost anything. But that's certainly included.” She returned to the parrot. “So here is where I want to be, threatening to seduce him, knowing he's really interested and not just playing me along.”

  “The way that I can be genuinely useful here, and no one sneers at my size,” Demeanor said. “You do understand.”

  “Oh, yes.”

  “And you still want to visit my seed.”

  “That's right.”

  “You are managing me.”

  “Of course.”

  “But you really don't need my approval. I am committed to support you to the best of my ability as long as you are a candidate.”

  “I want you to want to. Same as I want Ike to want to, in another venue.”

  “And you are managing both. You're pretty shrewd.”

  Ike realized that this was about more than merely getting the job done. It was about emotional validation. Felony and the bird truly did understand each other. And Felony had persuaded Demeanor to participate with pleasure instead of reluctance. Just as she had won Ike over. She was some woman.

  “And what about you, Blue?” he asked. “Why are you working for the Yankee dollah?”

  Blue hissed. “He says it's the same thing,” Demeanor translated. “In Blue Heaven he's nobody. Here he's important. You saw how it is in his seed.”

  “I saw,” Ike agreed. “So are we ready to go?”

  “Almost,” Felony said. “Demeanor, you said that the professors had raised the ante on us. Are they likely to pull some stunt this time, to see what we're made of?”