Odd Exam Page 9

  “You don't look thrilled. What is it?”

  “They will restore my prestige, here in the Bird Seed. It's a good offer.”

  “Except that you don't want to go home.”

  “True. But if it is enough to enable you to rescue Felony, I'll do it.”

  “Tell them you'll consider it, but I still can't think of a way to get that secret for them.”

  “This will not suffice.”

  “I'm stalling for time. Don't tell them that. Meanwhile, I want you to take this shield stub to Felony, with a private message.”

  “But you need that for defense!”

  “You can bring me back hers in exchange. Here is the message: Turn on. Jump. Hide.”

  Demeanor considered. She turned to Blue. “This make sense to you?”

  Hiss.

  “Then I'll do it. But it's your fault if she suicides.” Demeanor took the stub and flew off.

  “I hope Felony trusts me enough,” Ike said. “Now let's follow that line to her tree. We have a damsel to rescue.”

  Hiss.

  Ike waded into the river, which wasn't deep. He crossed to the island, then waded across the other fork of the river. He tromped squishily on toward the forest beyond. He saw one tree towering above the others, with a large swelling in its upper section. That would be the prison nest. Felony probably wasn't guarded; they knew she wouldn't jump to her death. They weren't even watching him; they figured they had him trapped too.

  Demeanor intercepted him. “Here's her stub. She wouldn't let me stay to watch her jump. She just said she trusted you.”

  Ike took the stub. He felt more secure with that protection available. “Lead me to the base of that tree.”

  They reached the forest. The parrot led him to the tree. No one was there.

  “Is the coast clear?” Ike asked Blue.

  Hiss.

  “Felony!” he called. “It's me! Let's get out of here.”

  Felony appeared from behind a large fallen branch. She rushed into his arms, kissing him savagely. “Great parachute!”

  “You did trust me,” he said, gratified.

  “With my life.”

  “Let's go home. The birds can't stop us, if they even try. We've beaten them.”

  “You have,” Demeanor agreed. “Once you freed her, their cause was doomed. They'll leave you alone.”

  They started walking.

  Chapter 8:

  Sacrifice

  They talked by text that night. “That was genius, the way you figured out that parachute,” Felony told him. “And you rescued me! I've never been rescued before.”

  “Well, I couldn't let you perish there.”

  “Tomorrow, when we meet, are you sure you don't want to, you know?”

  “Not at all sure. But first I want to get that pass.”

  “Two passes. We need two passes.”

  “Yes, but we know where one is.”

  “One to find,” she agreed. “I love you.”

  But Ike was unable to say it back to her. “I think I am getting there.”

  “That will do. Maybe once I seduce you.”

  “Maybe,” he agreed, and they left off.

  Then he wondered. Why couldn't he say it? She was fully worthy, and he liked her a lot. They understood each other in a way neither of them had managed before with anyone else. Was he still afraid that the moment he got really serious, she would change her mind and dump him? Intellectually he knew there was virtually no risk of that, but emotionally it seemed he was not yet convinced.

  He reviewed that emotion. He had thought his prior girlfriend, Lucy, had reacted against his wanting to take the next step beyond kissing, and been skittish. But she had not been skittish about other things, so that was out of character for her. It had seemed to be going so well, until she suddenly disengaged. In fact she had seemed to really like him.

  Now suddenly he realized that he had it backwards: she had gotten to like him too well. She wasn't ready for serious commitment, so had had to break it off quickly lest she be swept away. Much the way he had reacted with Felony when she put on her luscious form: realizing that this could become desperately serious at a time he wasn't ready for that, he had backed off. So as to give them both the chance to discover just how serious they wanted to be.

  So was he now ready to commit to Felony, as she plainly was ready to commit to him? It seemed likely. But he was still trying to get around the fact that physically she was not his dream woman, even though she could assume that form in Pomegranate. Again, his emotion warred with his intellect: Felony was well worth it, yet he still hankered for that dream. His emotion was a fool.

  Then he saw a text message he had missed before: it was from Lucy. “How's it going? Miss U.”

  He stared at it. Lucy, physically, was his dream woman, or close enough. He had liked her a lot—in fact, it seemed too much. Was she signaling in interest in resuming their relationship? That would have electrified him, once; now it merely stirred mixed feelings. Lucy had been dating other boys; maybe she found them less worthwhile than she had found Ike. Maybe she had discovered that they all had primary interest in her body rather than her mind. She was by no means a bad person, but did have her faults. She was not phenomenally smart, and depended on her looks more than real effort. In fact now he realized that, taken as a whole, she was not half the woman Felony was.

  “It's going well. I have new interests,” he texted back. That was a polite way of saying that he was not hot for a resumption with her.

  Then he returned to the family routine. He hadn't told his family about Pomegranate; for one thing, if it didn't work out, it didn't matter. If it did, then they'd be glad to know it. They knew he was looking, because of the contact the professors had made. Soon, perhaps, he would have significant news on more than one front.

  Next day Felony and the familiars were waiting for him. “Bad news,” Miss Demeanor said. “The next to last pass has been taken.”

  “There's only one remaining?” Ike asked, alarmed.

  “They say there are two, but that must be a misprint,” Felony said. “The only site listed is the one at Awful Tower.”

  “What happened to the Bird Seed pass?”

  “We fear the birds destroyed it, enraged because you rescued me. It's not listed there any more.”

  “Damn.” Ike did not need to say the obvious: there were two of them. They needed two passes.

  “The other applicants have all quit or been eliminated,” Felony continued. “We're all that's left.”

  “Let me be quite sure I have this right,” Ike said. “They won't admit anyone without a pass?”

  “True,” Demeanor said. “I think they want to admit both of you, and certainly we familiars want it, but they set up their rules for a reason and won't change them.”

  “Damn,” Felony said. “Maybe they want only one of us, because they knew the two of us will be an item. They want students there to study, not to make out with each other. So they're letting the pass decide it.”

  “I don't want to be admitted without you,” Ike said. “You're a major part of the reason I want to get in.”

  “That goes double for me.” She wiped her face. “Oh damn. I'm crying.”

  Ike took her in his arms and held her. “As far as I'm concerned, it's a package deal. They can't have me without you.”

  “Don't be that way,” she said into his shoulder. “Better for one of us to get in, than neither. We can still be together in the real world.”

  “I don't have the money to travel. Do you?”

  “No.”

  “So we're stuck,” he said. “It's all or nothing.”

  “Damn,” she repeated brokenly.

  Ike came to a decision. “Let's go get that pass. I want you to have it.”

  She looked at him. “You'd do that for me?”

  “Of course I would. And we can date by texting until there's a better alternative.”

  “That's not enough.”

&n
bsp; “We can't be sure of the future. We can worry about that later. Now that pass.”

  “Now that pass,” she agreed faintly.

  Blue hissed. “He hates this,” Demeanor said. “So do I.”

  “We all do,” Ike said. “But when there is no good alternative, we simply have to pick the best of the bad ones.”

  They set out for the Awful Tower. It took time, but somehow it seemed as though they were there in an instant. The pass still showed in its pouch, hanging below the Tower.

  “We forgot the string!” Felony said. The familiars were chagrined; they should have remembered and reminded.

  But they had other options. “Now lets see how the tractor does,” Ike said, aiming the beam.

  “I forgot about the tractor!” Felony said.

  The beam touched the pass and drew on it. It started to come out of the pouch.

  Blue hissed. “Warning,” Demeanor said. “That beam won't hold; the pass will drop into the hole.”

  “The way the one in the Bird Seed did,” Ike agreed regretfully. “Maybe I can catch the string.”

  But the beam did not hold on the string. It did draw on the pouch, but that twisted around, threatening to dump the pass.

  “Maybe the parachute,” Felony said.

  “That would take one of us down into the hole,” Ike said. “That's no answer either.”

  “I wonder,” Felony said. “We couldn't send a familiar for the pass, last time, because it was supposed to be anchored in the pouch. But if that's so, then it will remain in the pouch regardless of its orientation, and the tractor will haul it in.”

  Blue hissed. “No good,” Demeanor said. “Now that pass is loose, and we aren't allowed to touch it.”

  “That's cheating,” Felony muttered.

  “They don't consider it so,” the parrot said. “The parameters are fixed only day by day and visit by visit. This is a different day and visit.”

  “I have an idea,” Ike said. “Since only one of us can have the pass, and I want that to be Felony, and death here is merely elimination as a candidate, I'll jump for the pouch, rip it off the string, and hurl it out of the well. You be ready to catch it, Felony. Then go and get admitted.”

  “No.”

  “You can't stop me, Felony.”

  “Yes I can.” Then, before he could react, she jumped into the pit. She caught the pouch, ripped it off, and threw it back to him as she dropped. “I love you!” she cried as she disappeared.

  Ike caught the pouch automatically, and pocketed it. Then he stood and stared down into the hole. She was gone.

  “She wasn't fooling,” Demeanor said. “Crazy, but not fooling. Now I'm unattached and will stay with you. I have nothing better to do for the remainder of the hour.”

  Numbly Ike walked back out of the seed. Felony had indeed proved her love, and put him in a supremely uncomfortable position. She had made the sacrifice he had intended for himself. “This isn't finished,” he muttered grimly.

  Blue hissed. “You're getting a wicked notion,” Demeanor said. “We like that.”

  Ike went to the administration building. Professor Comodon was there, as if expecting him. “What can I do for you, Ike?”

  “You can accept an admittance pass.” Ike brought it out.

  “So you have elected to attend Pomegranate College?”

  “No.”

  The professor and both familiars looked at him in surprise. “Then why bring the pass?”

  “It is for Felony,” Ike explained. “She earned it, she deserves it, and I want her to be admitted.”

  Comodon did not seem completely surprised. “But didn't she sacrifice herself so that you could have it?”

  “She did,” Ike said. “Because she loves me. That does not make her any less deserving.”

  “Indeed. But why are you giving it back to her?”

  “I love her.” He had finally said it, and it was true.

  “That does not make you any less deserving.”

  Ike shook his head regretfully. “I would have given almost anything to be here with her. But since it is not to be, I want her to have it. I think she needs Pomegranate more than I do.”

  “Bring out the pass.”

  Ike brought it out and proffered it to the professor. But Comodon did not take it. “Look at the pass.”

  Ike looked. Then he saw something odd. “This has two backs!”

  “I do not believe so. Examine it more closely.”

  Ike did. “It's two passes stuck together!”

  “Isn't that a coincidence. Now it seems you both can be admitted. You are exactly the kind of applicants we want.”

  Ike did not fully trust this. “Can you bring Felony back? I want her with me before I go farther.”

  “It seems that her fall was not a fatal one. She landed in a subterranean lake and is making her way through the caverns back to the surface, guided by a glowing line. She should arrive at any moment.” He glanced at Demeanor. “Go to her. Guide her here.”

  The bird took wing.

  And in a moment there she was, still soaking wet, bedraggled, but healthy. “Felony!” Ike exclaimed, sweeping her into him. “You have a pass!”

  “No, that's for you,” she insisted. “It doesn't much matter whether I live or die here. It's yours.”

  “There are two passes. Here's yours.” He gave her the second one.

  “Two?”

  “They were stuck together. I didn't notice. You would have noticed.”

  She took it, seeming dubious. “All this time there were two there?”

  “Yes.” Then he addressed another thing. “I love you.”

  She looked at him wide-eyed. “You said it!”

  “Yes. I won't attend this college unless you do.”

  She kissed him. “Then we'd better complete the formality.”

  They presented their passes to the professor.

  Comodon nodded. “As you know, the pass is only one requirement for admittance. You must answer a key question.”

  “I remember,” Ike said. “We are ready.”

  “I will pose it to the two of you jointly. The question is: Why?”

  Ike smiled. “I am better at answers, so I will answer for us both. The way I see it, is you must have something very special to teach, and you need to be sure that every student has the potential and the will to learn it. So you made it a real challenge to locate and obtain the passes, with each prospect observed along the way; I'm sure that those who got passes by illicit means, such as stealing them from other applicants, have been eliminated by unanswerable questions for admittance. You would not go to this considerable trouble to recruit, and then to provide free room, board, and tuition, without being quite sure of the quality of your students. In fact you wouldn't bother with seeming magic like a brochure that seeks a random hand, a limo right in the area, or lines that guide a prospect to the site.” He paused. “The other part of my answer relates to me personally: why do I wish to enter this college? That is because it promises to give my aimless life meaning, as well as a woman to love.”

  Comodon nodded. He turned to Felony. “We do need your answer also.”

  She nodded. “I am better at questions, so I will ask one. Is it real?”

  “That is the right question.” Comodon glanced at Ike. “You have an answer?”

  “Oh yes, a qualified one. This setting is merely an emulation, but I think it is a mock-up of a real situation. That means that you did not go to all this trouble to make a wildly irrelevant game to test applicants. This odd exam is to qualify applicants who have potential to handle the actual challenges in store. It seems we do.”

  Comodon nodded. “Indeed you do. We had a number of prospects, most of whom have been eliminated. Some had bad character, as you surmise. Some lacked the ability to handle a challenge like this. Some were simply not sufficiently interested. Two were marginal.”

  “Us?” Felony asked.

  “Us,” Ike agreed.

  “You, Fe
lony, have intelligence, determination, and flexibility,” Comodon continued. “But you are severely conflicted, with problems of self image, judgment, and emotional instability. We thought that the best way to nullify those problems was to set you up with a complementary—that's with the E, as Ike once pointed out—companion. Buttressed by his physical and emotional support, you could shine.”

  She nodded. “So the timing of our entries, and the way our paths converged, was not coincidence, was it? You wanted us to meet, knowing I'd latch on to Ike if I possibly could? Because he's handsome, smart, and decent. Right?”

  Ike did not comment. Even now, she was unwilling to make direct statements; she was making them questions.

  “Correct,” Comodon said. “You, Ike, have intelligence verging on genius, but you lack motivation. Nothing in school ever really made you work; you could make top grades without effort. So you lacked sufficient challenge, and therefore motivation. You are socially stable; Lucy broke up with you not because you were unworthy, but because you made her feel that way. She had always been in command of her relationships; with you she felt inadequate. So you were without compass, exerting yourself only when you happened to get in trouble. We thought that the right woman and the right challenge might provide you the necessary direction. We saw Felony as that woman and our project as that challenge. We really need you both, as a team, or neither of you individually. So your interest in each other is exactly what we prefer. You motivate each other.”

  “Her motivation becomes mine,” Ike agreed. “Because she needs me, and I love her. She anchors me. But what's this about genius? I simply never encountered anything difficult.”

  Both Felony and Comodon laughed. Even the familiars looked amused.

  “That tractor beam,” the parrot said. “That parachute. They didn't even know either could be done. But you did them almost without thinking, when the need arose. That's genius.”

  “That reminds me,” Felony said. “What about the familiars? They're real too?”

  “Yes, actually,” Comodon said. “The settings are mock-up, but the familiars are genuine. Blue comes from the seed of flying reptiles, and he does have near-human intelligence. Miss Demeanor is from the seed of intelligent birds.”