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  Mundania Press books by Piers Anthony

  ChroMagic Series Key to Havoc Key to Chroma Key to Destiny Key to Liberty

  Pornucopia Series Pornucopia The Magic Fart

  Dragon’s Gold Series by Piers Anthony and Robert Margroff Dragon’s Gold Serpent’s Silver Chimaera’s Copper Orc’s Opal Mouvar’s Magic

  Of Man and Manta Series Omnivore Orn OX

  Other Titles by Piers Anthony Macroscope Tortoise Reform Conversation With An Ogre (Video)

  The Magic Fart copyright © 2003,2005 by Piers Anthony Jacob

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmit ted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product or the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental

  A Mundania Press Production

  Mundania Press LLC 6470A Glenway Ave #109 Cincinnati, Ohio 45211

  To order additional copies of this book, contact: [email protected] www.mundania.com

  Cover Design © 2005 by Stacey L. King Book Design and Layout by Daniel J. Reitz, Sr. Book Production and Promotion by Bob Sanders Edited by Daniel J. Reitz, Sr. and Audra A. F. Brooks

  Trade Paperback ISBN-10: 1-59426-008-7

  Trade Paperback ISBN-13: 978-1-59426-008-7

  Hardcover ISBN-10: 1-59426-007-9

  Hardcover ISBN-13: 978-1-59426-007-0

  eBook ISBN-10: 1-59426-009-5

  eBook ISBN-13: 978-1-59426-009-4

  First Edition—August 2003 Second Edition—September 2005 Library of Congress Catalog Card Number 2003108296

  Production by Mundania Press LLC

  Printed in the United States of America

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  Contents

  PART 1: Challenge ................................................................................... 7

  Chapter 1—E Mission ...................................................................................9

  Chapter 2—Fartingale..................................................................................15

  Chapter 3—Spire ..........................................................................................21

  Chapter 4—Prize ..........................................................................................26

  Chapter 5—Now...........................................................................................33

  Chapter 6—Plea ............................................................................................42

  PART 2: Contest ...................................................................................... 49

  Chapter 7—Oubliette...................................................................................51

  Chapter 8—Farting Off...............................................................................61

  Chapter 9—Trail ...........................................................................................67

  Chapter 10—Interviews ..............................................................................73

  Chapter 11—Fartingale................................................................................79

  Chapter 12—Curse.......................................................................................92

  Chapter 13—Tower ......................................................................................98

  Chapter 14—Choice.................................................................................. 105

  PART 3: Honeymoon............................................................................ 113

  Chapter 15—Eden..................................................................................... 115

  Chapter 16—Gulf...................................................................................... 122

  Chapter 17—Escape.................................................................................. 129

  Chapter 18—Trap...................................................................................... 134

  PART 4: Fart Off .................................................................................. 145

  Chapter 19—Challenge............................................................................. 147

  Chapter 20—Tease .................................................................................... 150

  Chapter 21—First Branch ........................................................................ 154

  Chapter 22—Demoness ........................................................................... 157

  Chapter 23—Second Branch ................................................................... 161

  Chapter 24—Third Branch ...................................................................... 165

  Chapter 25—Fourth Branch.................................................................... 169

  Chapter 26—Fifth Branch ....................................................................... 173

  Chapter 27—Three Curses....................................................................... 178

  Author’s Note..................................................................................................... 183

  About the Author.............................................................................................. 184

  Part 1: Challenge

  Chapter 1—E Mission

  Prior was bored. It had been a year since his great adventure on Mt. Icecream, where he had challenged the five deadly branches of the Cherry Tree, won the remarkable Spire, and finally recovered his small natural penis. He would hardly care to do that again, but had to admit that ordinary existence was downright dull in comparison.

  Well, there was nothing wrong with dullness that couldn’t be cured by a good outrageous fuck. He would have to go out to the slots, though he really craved something a bit more romantic. But he had no girlfriend, and high quality call girls were beyond his means. So he girded his loin for something considerably less enticing.

  His doorbell rang. He sighted through the peephole and saw a comely but moderately severe young woman holding a rich bouquet. What was this? He hadn’t ordered any flowers. It must be a mistake. He opened the door. “I think you have the wrong—” “Prior Gross?” the woman inquired crisply. “Yes, but—” “From a secret admirer,” she said, putting the bouquet into his hand.

  The blooms had a strong aroma that threatened to intoxicate his outlook. He saw no identifying card. “What admirer?” She wedged by him and stood inside the room, closing the door behind

  her. “Me.” This was highly flattering, but surely still a mistake. “Do I know you?” “Just call me Suzie.” “Look, Suzie, I’m just an ordinary guy with no money to spare, so if you

  figure to charge me some outrageous fee for a spot dalliance, forget it.” She gazed at him, her eyes turning round. Then they brimmed. “Oh!” she sobbed. “You think I’m one of those types.” She hid her face in her hands. She looked younger than he had taken her for, and far less composed. Prior felt like a well-worn heel. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Of course you’re not.”

  She continued to sniffle into her handkerchief, which seemed to have appeared from nowhere. “I just wanted to please you with my, my flowers, because you’re such a nice man, and you hate me.”

  “I don’t!” he said, putting his arm around her heaving shoulders. “I don’t k
now what got into me. How can I make it up to you?” “I just want you to like me,” she said tearfully. “You’re so wonderful.” What could he do? “Of course I like you,” he said gallantly. “I just think

  you’ve got the wrong, um, address.” “But aren’t you the great man who conquered the Cherry Tree and won

  the Spire?” Had she been reading his private thoughts? “Well, yes. But aside from

  that, I’m nobody.” “You’re still my hero!” She looked up at him, her eyes seeming larger and

  brighter. “I just know you’re the one.” There was still something missing here. “The one for what?” “The one to take my innocent maidenhood and make me a real woman.

  I so much want it to be you. Promise me you’ll be gentle.” This put a different complexion on it. “You came here for your first

  sexual experience?” “I just know it will be better with you than with anyone else. Because you

  know it all, and I know nothing. Please say you’ll do it.” Yet this was remarkably sudden. What was the catch? “I’m not sure this

  is smart.” Her eyes filled again. “You think I’m repulsive!” “No, you’re not!” Indeed, her figure under her dress was robust, with

  her breasts swelling eagerly. “Oh, thank you, Mr. Gross! Tell me what to do.” “You really want this? Sex with me?” “With all my heart!” Indeed, her pulse was showing in her neck, making

  her breasts quiver under the tight nightie. “In that case, all right,” he said with enthusiasm. “First, take off your

  clothes and lie on the bed.” Her remaining clothing vanished as she appeared on the bed, one bare

  leg lifted. “Like this?” “Exactly like that,” he agreed, scrambling out of his own clothing. He

  got on the bed beside her. “Now first I’ll kiss you.” “Like this?” she asked, suddenly up against him full length, her lips press

  ing against his. “Close enough,” he agreed. “Next, I’ll stroke your breasts.” “Oh, yes,” she agreed, catching his hand and guiding it to her warm full

  bosom. “Right. Finally, I’ll—” “Put on a condom.” He paused. “What?” “A condom. Don’t you know why?” He hardly paused for reflection. He did know why, and it wasn’t for any reason anyone else would understand. “Um, yes.” He began to get off the bed, when a condom appeared in his hand. Oh, of course. He put it to his stiff penis, and it spread itself over it to the base. He got above her. “Now spread your legs.” She spread them, lifted them, and wrapped them around his hips. “Like

  this?” “It will do.” He angled his sheathed member, guiding it down into her open vulva. She lifted her bottom to meet him, and in a moment he was deep inside her and pumping furiously. The condom masked the sensation somewhat, so he had to work harder to get there.

  “Don’t forget the rest,” she said, reaching up to catch his head and bring it down to her face. She tongued him in time with his thrusts, and her vagina squeezed his member rhythmically.

  He came with rare power, wondering whether it was possible to blow out a condom by the force of ejaculation. That was probably just a male conceit, but it was the way it felt.

  “Oh!” she gasped, milking him with her cleft. “Great! You really showed me how.”

  He hadn’t shown her anything, but it had nevertheless been great, as she said. He collapsed on her resilient breasts, letting her strip the rest of his semen from his system. “Yeah.” “When did you catch on?” He played the game a moment more. “Catch on to what, Suzie?” She laughed. “You know I’m demonic, and not capable of caring much about any mortal. But I think I care for you, Prior. You treat me like a real person, and you play the game. But I know I made some mistakes. What was the first?”

  “Your clothing. First you were in a female suit, then a dress, then a nightie, then nothing. Without having to do any of it by hand.” He withdrew from her and lay on his back. “I got carried away by the role,” she agreed. “Was that all?” “Apart from the fact that no woman or girl is that hot for me, you were too proficient. You would have been better with a hymen and some awkwardness.”

  She sighed. “My nature defeats me. But I’ll keep working on it. I was afraid it was the condom.”

  “No, sensible girls do prefer it, so they won’t get pregnant or catch a disease. They don’t realize that my smegma cures all venereal diseases, even AIDS. Of course when you conjured it right into my hand and it put itself on me, that would have been a giveaway.”

  “I just couldn’t wait any longer. I had to have your delicious little peg in me. I’d rather have skipped the condom, but then I’d have had to change to incubus form and find a woman to screw.”

  “I understand,” he agreed, removing the condom. “This enables you to remain female longer. Do you want this?”

  “Of course I want it!” She took it from his hand. “Just not in me, yet. I’ll save it for another load. Tonight I mean to get more from you.” “Welcome to stay the night.” “I’ll try. But I’ll probably get too eager, and take a load direct, and then

  I’ll have to go.” “It’s your nature,” he agreed tolerantly. The succubus had first approached him one day on the beach, seduced him, and discovered that his smegma had anti-venereal disease powers. She had introduced him to Tantamount Emdee, a lovely female doctor who had seduced him, drugged him, and stolen his penis for research. That had been the real start of his adventure: to get his natural penis back. Since then she had dropped by occasionally, to pick up a load, as she called it, and sometimes to talk. So they had become friends in a fashion, or at least lovers of convenience. It wasn’t as if he had any better use for his semen, and she could be a most evocative sexual partner when she tried.

  She put her hand on his penis, giving it an exploratory squeeze. “By the way, I have a message for you.” “Oh? Why didn’t you just tell me?” “And miss a fine fuck? What do you take me for?” And of course the fuck was everything, for a succubus. “What mes

  sage?” “It’s about your ideal woman.” He laughed. “I thought you were my ideal woman.” She rolled into him and kissed him. “You’re sweet. I don’t get much of that. No, this is the one you are destined to love, marry, and raise a dull family with.”

  “I’d love that. But I don’t even have a girlfriend. Girls just laugh at my little member.” “3.97 inches erect,” she agreed. “But you can put on any size you want.” “But they’re all artificial. I prefer to stick with my original.” She gave it a tweak, and it started to come to life. “Can’t blame you. It’s

  a little darling. And that smegma is something else.” “So how can my ideal woman have a message for me, considering I don’t have any woman?” “Oh, the message isn’t from her. It’s about her.” She kneaded his penis.

  “But first let’s see some more action here.” His curiosity had been aroused more than his member. “First tell me

  about this woman.” “No, first give me a load.” “I’m spent, remember? Tell me.” “Maybe some variety,” she said. She turned her back to him. “Put it in

  my ass.” “You’re a demon. You don’t necessarily have a rectum.” “I’ll make one for the occasion.” She nudged her plush buttocks against

  him. “Come on; it’s tight and hot. Shove it in there.” Prior was tempted. He had never had that kind of sex with a woman who desired it, and wondered what it was like. Of course Suzie wasn’t exactly a woman, but she could certainly pass for one. Still, he didn’t want to be distracted from her tantalizing message. “Compromise,” he suggested. “I’ll put it in while you tell me.” “Done.” She wiggled her bottom encouragingly. She was right: variety was stimulating. His member had stiffened again. He took it in his hand and guided it to her nether crack, finding the pucker there. He pushed, making a dent. And paused.

  The succubus got the hint. “She was abducted and shanghaied to Fartingale.” He poked the head of his penis in a fraction. “Farthingale?” “Well, they do wear them there, but that’s not it. It’s fart-in-gale.” He
laughed, and that made his member pound farther into her tight

  aperture. “That’s a place? What do they do there, fart?” “Yes. And she’s a woman of fine sensitivities, so you’d better go rescue her before she expires of embarrassment. As a matter of fact, there’s a time limit; you have to do it within one week, or lose her.”

  Jokes could be dangerous when they turned literal. “So where is this smelly place?”

  She pushed her rear at him, taking him all the way into her as her nether cheeks flattened against his groin. Her rectum felt pretty much like her vagina, which it probably was; she had merely tightened it up and faked it. It hardly mattered at this point; she had hold of him and wouldn’t let go until she had his ejaculation. That, again, was her nature.

  But he held back, knowing that the moment she got the ejaculate she would depart, converting to incubus so as to seduce some hapless maiden. That, too, was her nature. He needed to get the information first.

  “So how can I find this land, and find her? I don’t even know her name.” Because the idea had really taken hold of him. To rescue his ideal woman! She would surely be most grateful. Her channel massaged his member, evoking its urgency. “The Eeg-trail leads to it. She’s called the Prize Maiden in the Tower. Something like that. She’ll be easy to find.”

  The Eeg-trail. He had taken that to get to Mt. Icecream. “You sure? I never found a place like that.”

  “It leads where’re you’re going, if the statues help. That’s all I know.” Now her bowel writhed peristaltically, forcing his orgasm.

  He gave up his resistance and went to it with a will, withdrawing and thrusting, jetting his essence into her chamber. The feeling was intense despite coming so soon after his first effort.

  “Ooo, that’s good,” she said. He knew she could literally taste the ejacu late. “Now get going on your mission, lover.”

  “My e-mission,” he agreed, satisfied. He knew nothing about the woman, but was halfway smitten already.

  Chapter 2—Fartingale