Skeleton Key Read online

  “No. That’s my business, not yours.”

  He was not being swayed by her appearance, as any normal boy would be. She knew why, but needed to make him tell her, so he wouldn’t know she already knew. “It is my business. Tell.”

  “You’ve got some nerve! It’s nothing that would interest you.”

  “It interests me. Look, I’m pretty sure you’re not what you seem, or you wouldn’t be here. I think I’m even less what I seem than you are. That’s why we need to talk. The faster you tell me, the faster we’ll settle things between us and I’ll be gone. So if you really want to be rid of me, that’s how, maybe.”

  “Maybe?” he asked suspiciously.

  “When we talk, you’ll understand why.”

  “All right!” he exploded. “Anything to be rid of you! But first tell me why you think you’re less what you seem to be than I am.”

  “Fair enough. I look like a girl, but I’m not. I’m an alien cuttlefish from the future.”

  “Ha ha. Prove it.” He thought she was playing a game with him.

  Squid gambled that a startling demonstration would accomplish her purpose. She let go of her human girl format and reverted to her natural form: a cephalopod with eight arms with suckers, and two tentacles. “And I eject black ink when I’m in trouble in the water,” she said with her un-human mouth.

  Now he stared. “I admit it: you surprise me. But cuttlefish don’t have lungs; how can you breathe and talk in air?”

  “I said I am alien, not local. I have gills for the water, and lungs for the air. I use whichever is appropriate, or both. And I color my skin to look like hair and clothing.”

  His doubt was suffering. “How did you come here, when this is obviously not your natural environment?”

  “My family was touristing in future Xanth, nigh fifty years hence, when suddenly the end came. They barely had time to put me in a carriage in the hope of saving me, before they were lost, orphaning me. I was rescued by two unlikely females, and brought here. Now I have four others from that same doomed future who are unrelated human children, but we all love each other as siblings and would do anything for each other. Santo is one of them.”

  Larry glanced at Santo. “You’re human?”

  “I am,” Santo agreed. “But I recognize Squid as my sister, and yes, I would do anything for her.”

  “Even though you know she’s really an alien cuttlefish?”

  “There’s no ‘though’ about it. If you tried to hurt her, I would hurt you without hesitation.”

  Larry nodded. “By making a hole through me. I get it. Don’t worry; I’m not out to hurt anyone.” He looked at Squid. “Please, resume your human form, and answer one more question, and I promise I will tell you my story. I will even look at your panties if you want, though they won’t freak me out.”

  “One more question,” Squid agreed, seeing victory on the horizon.

  “The two unlikely females who rescued you: who are they?”

  “I will tell you if you promise to keep it secret.”

  “I promise,” he said without hesitation.

  “One is a basilisk in human form called Astrid. Her direct glance is instantly lethal, so she normally wears a veil. But she’s a very nice person, when you get to know her.”

  Larry smiled. “I’m sure.”

  “The other is a capital D Demoness named Fornax.”

  “Fornax! She’s notorious!”

  “So you know her reputation. But she too is a nice person when you get to know her, and I consider her my aunt.”

  “And my adoptive mother,” Santo said.

  “And we would do anything for them,” Squid said. “Now you know.”

  “And I am amazed.” He paused, organizing himself. “Very well. It is my turn. I am a girl in a boy’s body. My name is Laurelai, but I use Larry for my male form. I am going to the Good Magician in the hope that he can get me into the right body, a female one.”

  “Are we now talking to Laurelai?” Santo inquired perceptively.

  Larry’s face smiled. “Yes, now that I have unmasked myself.”

  Squid nodded. “So you’re like me, in one respect: you look ordinary, but you’re not at all what you appear to be.”

  “Exactly. So you are perhaps in a position to understand my situation.”

  “Yes. So is Santo.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he’s gay.”

  “That’s not the same thing. I would like to date a suitable boy, when I am of age, but that’s because I’m a girl.”

  “Don’t worry,” Squid said, smiling. “Santo doesn’t want to date you.”

  “That’s a relief!” She glanced at him. “No offense.”

  “None taken, of course.”

  “Santo doesn’t want to date you,” Squid repeated. “I do.”

  There was a sudden pained silence. Then Laurelai spoke. “That’s why you intercepted me? No way!”

  “That’s the least of it, but let me explain. Santo has a girlfriend. Her name is Noe. Its mainly just for show, so he doesn’t have to keep explaining himself to sometimes hostile strangers with ignorant opinions. They like each other, they understand each other, they make it look romantic, but it’s not. It’s protective coloration. You need something similar, and I’m it.”

  “I don’t need any such thing! All I need is to achieve my true physical form. As it is, my talent is limited, because when I age beyond puberty the body starts getting these awful male notions I can’t stand.”

  Squid hadn’t thought of that before. A girl getting stuck with boy notions when she saw panties or whatever . . . that could be awkward. She couldn’t blame Laurelai for avoiding it.

  But that was not her concern at the moment. “I think you do need it, because of the rest of it.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “This is more that is secret.”

  “I will keep your secret,” Laurelai said with resignation.

  “There is something big brewing, and they need a hidden Demon to sneak in and find out what’s going on, because maybe there’s a foreign Demon messing in Xanth.”

  “I can see that would be a challenge. But what does it have to do with me, or with me having a pretend girlfriend?”

  “Fornax needs a host.” She waited while Laurelai worked it out.

  “A female Demon would need a female host. I still don’t see the relevance to me. I’m no good for that, because my body is male.”

  “But you are female. Who would ever suspect?”

  Laurelai had difficulty even saying it. “You want me to host a Demon? Because she could join me despite my male body?”

  “Yes. And I will be your girlfriend because that will indicate that you are what you look like, a boy. It’s all fake, but necessary to fool the enemy Demon.”

  She shook her male head. “I’d rather just have the Good Magician find me a better body.”

  “Maybe he will—if you do this chore first. You know there’s always a price for his help.”

  Larry sighed. “So that’s how it is.”

  “That’s how it usually is,” Santo said. “But there’s more.”

  “Why am I not surprised? You folk are a font of oddities.”

  “You must never reveal Fornax’s presence to anyone outside your body,” Santo said. “You can’t use any of her powers or give any hint. To ensure that, I will use a forget spell on you so that you don’t even know she is with you.”

  Squid knew he wasn’t bluffing; he must have a spot forget spell with him.

  “I haven’t even agreed to do it!” Laurelai exclaimed. “Already you are making conditions.”

  “This is important,” Santo said evenly.

  “I am coming to believe it,” Laurelai said. “Very well, let me meet her first. Then I’ll deci
de.”

  Santo closed his eyes for a moment. “Mother?” he asked of the sky. Then he nodded. “Touch me,” he said to Laurelai.

  Laurelai stepped to him and touched his hand. And froze, eyes closed. “Oh, my,” she breathed.

  Squid realized that Santo had made the connection for Fornax, so that she could locate and join Laurelai. The hidden girl was now meeting the hidden Demoness directly. What would be the outcome?

  Then Laurelai opened her eyes. “I love her. We are friends already. But there is one thing; I don’t want to forget her. I want to be able to commune with her anytime.”

  “No,” Santo said.

  “Wait,” Squid said. “Laurelai is lonely. She has to be, hiding in a boy’s body with no one for company. She’s doing us an enormous favor. She deserves this.”

  Santo hesitated. “Mother?” he asked.

  Now the body changed, becoming infinitely more mature and formidable. It spoke. “I am here, son.” It was Fornax! “She wants a companion who understands. I was lonely too, for millennia, the loneliest of all the Demons, until I made friends with Astrid, and became aunt to the siblings and mother to one, and married another Demon. I remember. I would like to have another friend.”

  Santo paused, working it out. “Then a compromise; commune, but never reveal your presence outside your host, until it is time, lest the mission be compromised.”

  “Agreed.”

  Then the body relaxed, and Laurelai reappeared. “Thank you,” she breathed tearfully.

  Then it changed again, and it was Larry. “Did I miss something?” he asked.

  “Your kiss,” Squid said. She went up and kissed him quickly on the mouth. “We may never do this again except in public,” she promised.

  “Thank you,” he said somewhat dryly.

  “Now you will proceed to the Good Magician’s Castle,” Santo told Larry. “Take your time. Relax for a day. Your appointment there is in two days.”

  “I will be there,” Larry agreed.

  “Time for us to go home,” Squid said. “Farewell, Larry. We will meet again.”

  Then Santo opened a new tunnel to the boat, and they went through.

  Squid relaxed at last. What a day it had been!

  Chapter 2

  Myst

  In the morning, aboard the boat, Squid remained in the room she shared with Myst. She had been talking for an hour, sharing news of her prior day.

  “Wow!” Myst said. “So now you actually have a boyfriend! I’m jealous.”

  “It’s not real,” Squid reminded her. Myst was nine, two years younger than Squid, but fully human, so boys interested her just as much as they were supposed to interest Squid. “It’s pretend, like Noe with Santo.”

  “Well, I’d settle for a pretend boyfriend, if he held my hand and kissed me in public. I want to practice for when I’m grown up.”

  Squid smiled. “You’ll get there soon enough, I’m sure.”

  “I don’t know. With your talent upgrade you can flash your panties and make it count.”

  “I wonder. I was amazed when I saw my reflection. But I’m still underage, and my panties are still fake.”

  “But outside boys don’t know that. Painted-on panties are still potent. Mine aren’t. I tried to flash a boy last month, and he just laughed.”

  “Because you’re still a child. They’ll work well enough when you need them to.” Then something impinged on her awareness. What was it?

  “Squid, you’re looking funny. Are you okay?”

  “Shh. I’m sensing something.”

  Then in her mind’s eye she was seeing a beach. There before her was a plaid panty, lying empty on the sand. This was weird; they had just been talking about panties, and now she was seeing one, somewhere.

  “Sensing what?” Myst persisted annoyingly.

  “A panty,” Squid answered, orienting on it. “A plaid panty.”

  “Plaid! That’s special.”

  Then Squid was all the way into the scene, at least with her mind. Her body wasn’t there; it cast no shadow in the sunshine. But she saw and heard everything: the sand, the distant trees, the waves of the sea, and the sound of their breaking up on the sand. The panty must have been washed ashore.

  “Hey! What’s that?”

  The sound was in the scene. For half an instant Squid thought she had been discovered. Then she saw that two children were approaching. They were about twelve years old, male and female, but similar in appearance.

  “It’s a panty, Data!” the boy cried.

  “Well, don’t freak out, Piton.”

  Piton and Data. Those had to be the skeleton twins; Squid knew of them but hadn’t met them. They lived in Caprice, the traveling castle, while Squid lived in Fibot, the boat.

  “I’m too young to freak,” the boy said. “And it’s empty. It has to be filled to work. Panties don’t do anything by themselves; they exist to enhance girls. You know that.”

  “I sure do,” Data agreed. “Mine are already starting to work. I wonder who filled this one last? Maybe a mermaid.”

  “They don’t wear panties, silly, because they don’t have legs.”

  “But some can make legs when they go on land. Maybe this one got spooked, and jumped back into the sea when she made her tail and swam away, and the panty dropped to the sand.”

  Piton dashed up, passing right through Squid’s location without contact, and picked up the panty. “Wow! Plaid!”

  “Give it here!” Data said, snatching it from his hand. “I want it. It’s no good to you anyway.”

  “Put it on,” he said. “I dare you.”

  “I will. Is anybody looking?”

  “Nobody who counts. We’re the only ones here.”

  “Then here goes.” Data hoisted her skirt, doffed her own panties, and lifted a foot to put it into the panty. But it hung up on her toes. She tried again, with no better success. “I can’t get it on,” she complained, frustrated.

  Squid, listening in, was fascinated. Not with the panty lore; everyone knew about the magic girls could use on boys to keep them in line. She had heard that in Mundania that effect was not so strong, and men could abuse women. Squid never wanted to live in Mundania, even if she wasn’t a real girl. It was just too dangerous.

  No, what interested her was the way she was picking up on the scene. Santo had told her that when anyone mentioned her name, she would attune, even if she was far away, beyond hearing physically. But this wasn’t that. The twins had not mentioned her name. But here she was, sharing their discovery of the panty.

  So maybe Santo had it wrong, or at least incomplete. Maybe the panty was relevant to the story she was supposed to track, and she and Myst had been discussing the subject, so it was almost as if the beach panty had said her name. It couldn’t talk, of course, but it was a kind of connection.

  “Come on, doofus,” Piton said. “I’ll help you.” He dropped to his knees, took the panty, held it open between his hands, and pushed it toward his sister. She lifted both legs and aimed them for the holes.

  And snagged. She still couldn’t get it on. “Go ahead. Laugh,” she said angrily.

  “I’m not laughing. I saw what happened. The holes closed up when your feet came. It’s some kind of magic. The panty won’t let you get in it.”

  “Weird,” Data said, and Squid agreed. She had seen it too; Piton hadn’t done it, the panty had, twisting to block her feet. It truly didn’t want to be on her.

  “What’s the use of a panty that can’t be worn?” Data asked as she put her own original panties back on. Why those were plural and the beach panty was single, Squid couldn’t say; maybe it was part of the magic. “Isn’t that a contradiction in terms?”

  “Maybe it’s choosy,” Piton said. “It’s looking for the right girl, maybe a grown girl, and you aren’t it.”

&n
bsp; “That must be it,” Data agreed, mollified. “It was made for a mermaid, or something, and won’t let any other girl into it.” She shrugged. “You know, you have a genius for finding magic things that don’t work right. Like that Plan-tain you found last month.”

  “Plantain?”

  “You called it a big banana tree. It was guarded by a huge orangu-tain. I had to distract the creature so you could sneak by and steal some of its fruit.”

  “Oh, yeah. I grabbed a handful and got out of there. But I couldn’t eat them.”

  “Because they were tains. Like bu-tain, de-tain, sus-tain, uncer-tain, and dis-tain. And you got a bloods-tain on your hands just handling one.”

  “Yeah. Maybe my luck will change and I’ll get something I can handle. Like maybe a pretty girl.”

  “You would think of that. You’ve got girls on your feeble mind.”

  “Well I’m a boy. That’s what boys look for.”

  She laughed. “Maybe some nice girl will be unlucky enough to think you’re nice.”

  “As if you aren’t thinking of boys all the time.”

  “Then there was that Angel Trumpet you found,” Data said, changing the subject back. “But it knocked out everyone who heard it.”

  “I had to throw it away,” he agreed ruefully. “But I still think my luck will change.”

  Then the scene faded, apparently losing its relevance to Squid’s interests, and Squid was back with Myst. “Wow!” she said.

  “You went all glassy-eyed,” Myst said. “You said you saw a plaid panty, and then you tuned out. So I let you be.”

  “Santo said I was going to have a talent,” Squid said. “When anyone spoke my name, I’d be able to tune in on them for a while. But in this case nobody did. But we were talking about panties, and the skeleton twins, Piton and Data, found a panty on the beach, and somehow I tuned in. So maybe the talent is even stronger than Santo knew, just as my form-changing ability is much better than it was. Anyway, I was there on the beach with them, seeing and hearing what they did.” She smiled. “Data tried to don the panty, and it wouldn’t let her. It snagged her feet.”

  Myst tittered. “That’s funny! Maybe it doesn’t like the smell of a skeleton. Those kids are half skeletons.”